My guide to serious bedroom bondage

Ropes

Ropes are great for beginners to practice with since they are easy to acquire and cheap. Having said that, professional riggers and rope masters (which I am not…) will swear-by using a special type of rope that is designed for bondage, due to the way it handles, wraps around the body and being easy to untie and work with. For this reason, I recommend you look into Shibari blogs and posts about which ropes are best to use for bedroom bondage.

Ropes that you buy from a hardware store, for example, can be inappropriate for professional Shibari and while not recommended, you still might be able to use them at home, for example to tie-off the O-ring of a leather cuff. Ropes from the hardware store for use on the body is not really recommended and you’ll want to buy specific ropes or cords for bondage.

I find that ropes from some s*x shops can look good at first glance, but a professional rigger probably wouldn’t buy these types of ropes as they can be hard to untie, springy or took harsh on the body, and so I consider them to be gimmicky. From personal experience I’ve found some ropes from adult shops to be not only hard to untie, but also start to frey quite quickly, which can obviously be a problem.

In terms of length, you will want to go for about 2 - 3 metres per cord. You can also go 4 metres or more and double-up the rope so that it acts like a cord of half the length, which I understand is quite common in the rigging world.

As tight as you want it

One benefit of ropes is that you can create the appropriate tension and tightness, which isn’t as easy to do with leather or metal restraints. In bedroom bondage, I often use a ratchet fastener pulley, which is surprisingly strong, cheap and easy to add/remove, provided you can attach it to the bed. Here’s an image…

I have found that having 6 of these in the collection is great for tensioning arms, legs and thighs and makes the bondage feel a lot more immbile and real!

Cuffs - hands

There are probably over a hundred different types of handcuffs on the market, but if you want to start off basic then you will want to go with a non-rigid pair, so a classic pair with a small chain between the cuffs. Even more basic would be to have quick-release cuffs, which have a little metal tab which you can use to release the cuff without the need for the key.

These can be quite good to start with and build up a familiarity to wearing handcuffs, without having to commit to being fully locked up. Having said this, be warned that these cuffs are not necessarily the safest, since they cannot be double locked and the key is not the most reliable.

Better still I’d recommend a good solid pair of handcuffs with a chain, which can be double locked. Besides being the real-deal, they are much safer. The pair below shows keys with a point-y bit on top, which is used to double lock the cuffs by inserting it into the doublelocking push-pin, often on the side of the cuffs.

Hinged cuffs

Hinged cuffs are excellent for a more restrictive feeling and can still be fairly comfortable to wear. One good thing about rigid cuffs is that the hands are locked closer together and the hinge makes them a lot harder to escape, however, not possible to rotate the hands, which can give a more psychologically restrictive feeling. Additionally, the hinge is quite useful for connecting additional bondage gear.

There’s lots of types of hinged cuffs out there but you should also look into rigid cuffs, which as the name would suggest have a rigid central connection between the cuffs, thus giving them the name. An example would be police handcuffs, here’s an image of some:

Figure-of-eight cuffs

Another style is the figure of eight cuffs, which are even more restrictive than the hinged cuffs, since the hands are snug and closer together. These actually originated in Birmingham, England. One distinct difference between the other types is that the key and locking mechanism are very different and situated on one side of the cuffs instead of the middle.

After that, all other pairs on the market are in general just a variation on the aforementioned types. There’s quite a good range on the hand cuff shop (online search).

Cuffs - legs

Leg restraints tend to be:

• Leg cuffs, separated by a chain
• Leg irons, often used interchangeably as a term
• Figure-of-eight leg irons
• Spreader bars with cuffs on either end
• Plus a few other specialty types

Here’s a pair of classic leg irons with a chain. As you can see they are essentially bigger than handcuffs and usually come with a much longer chain between them.

When applying/wearing leg cuffs, always make sure to not make them too tight. What can feel slightly loose at first can end up feeling tighter over time, particularly when the cuffs moves up and down the ankle and will tend to be quite harsh around the ankles if too tight.

For serious metal bondage enthusiasts, leg cuffs like these can be great for metal hogties, which can be very restrictive and inescapable. Personally I also like to use them with a padlock between, to shorten the chain length, since it’s hard, if not impossible to find legcuffs that have a very short chain.

Cuffs - thigh

It can be hard to find cuffs for the thigh (in fact, I’m not sure that they technically exist) but for bedroom bondage it can be a nice addition. I’ve found velcro gym training straps to be very affordable and adjustable, plus quick release and so very safe. They cannot be locked, though. The good thing about the gym type is that they come with a couple of D-rings which is perfect for attaching ropes to. These can be bought from places like AliExpress or Temu.

I personally use these for the Spread-eagle bed tie (see info further down) where you have your wrists and ankles spead to all four corners of the bed and then adding the thigh (and waist) restraints helps to dramatically reduce wriggling and mobility, so if you want to feel really restrained by your partner then I’d highly recommend adding these.

Cuffs - neck

Neckcuffs are like huge metal handcuffs and can be very hard to find. You’re more likely to find neck irons or a metal neck collar. Neckcuffs do however exist, albeit a specialty item. Even then, it’s more likely you’ll find the sizing designed for women and not men.

Instead of neckcuffs, you will want to consider bondage collars as a way to restrain the neck, since they usually have O- or D-rings installed, ready for connecting ropes or chains.

As mentioned above, velcro gym straps designed for the thigh or legs can also be used for the neck, since the girth is similar, with the benefit of them being adjustable for both you and your partner, since they are velcro fitted.

Another specialty item, which I am yet to own, is a fiddle, which can be sized for men or women. Here’s an example…

Leather restraints

Debatably the comfiest option for long duration bondage, leather cuffs can mainly be bought for the wrists, ankles and neck. Even though you can reach for the buckle to unfasten them, it can sometimes be tricky to do so, plus you can buy lockable cuffs, where you add a padlock over the buckle, preventing escape.

Leather belts

I incorporate leather belts, which can be wrapped tightly around the legs and arms, in addition to hand/leg cuffs, which keeps the limbs tighter and closer together, giving a more restrictive feeling altogether. In fact, special sets can be purchased for this, but if you’re on a budget then you can usually get away with several belts, provided they can be fastened at smaller lengths.

I also use leather belts around the neck, especially those which can be fastened even to a small diameter, but best is a leather bondage collar. Speaking of which, an 8cm bondage collar for me is the maximum I prefer before it’s too high and uncomfortable - plus it has to have softened edges ideally. 6cm is also a good width for comfort. Having the bondage collar with O-rings is usually the go-to option and of course can be fastened down to the bed, which makes things more serious during playtime.

Leather waist belts

A waist belt add a lot of additional bondage and not only feels amazing but when fastened tightly to the bed, makes the bondage feel a lot more restrictive. I like to have this extra layer added to me when in the spread-eagle bed tie position…see below 👇

Bedroom bondage positions

Now that we have covered restraints, what about bondage positions? In my opinion, there’s a few classic positions that you should try/experience before moving on to more advanced stuff, which are these three specifically:

1. Spread-eagle bed tie - this is where the arms and legs are stretched out like a starfish and tied down to the four corners of the bed. In general it’s a comfortable position to start with, since the body isn’t under any particular stress or strain, provided the restraints used are comfortable and not too tight or restricting blood flow. I really like this as a go-to position for general playtime and can maintain for up to two hours, provided there’s no abnormal pressure on the limbs and the restraints are correctly fastened.
2. The hogtie - this is where you, or your partner are lying face-down on the belly with hands behind the back and the legs folded back towards the waist. Usually the hands and legs are both cuffed or tied and the two are then bound together. It’s a very compromising position and can become hard to maintain even after just a few minutes, depending on how flexible you are! I like this position since it’s really restrictive and your partner can play with you and there’s not much you can do about it!
3. Stretched out - this may have a better name but it is simply where your legs are together and your arms are stretched out above your head. Your ankles and hands are both cuffed or tied and you are then bound to the bed. It’s a fairly comfy position but quite restrictive if under tension. I like to do this position diagonally across the bed and your partner pretty much has the freedom to play with you any which way they want!

Wikipedia has a list of some more here

Part 2, coming soon:

Topics:

• How to attach gear to the bed
• How to make it ‘feel real tight’
• Things that can feel uncomfortable
• Amateur ideas on how to work with bed anchor points
• Having your setup ready to go, but invisible!